From the Archives of Clergy Clatter

July 2012

“You’ve shrunk!” That was the most recent proclamation of good news from my doctor. 

“What do you mean, ‘I’ve shrunk’? I’ve always been 6’1″.” 

“Well, you’re 5’11” now. Your spine compresses with age.” 

There’s that word again – age. 

Now, I have to tell you – this does something dreadful to one’s self-image. I haven’t been under 6 feet since puberty, and I’m of no mind to go through that again. I don’t want to shrink. If anything, I want to continue growing. If we shrink with age, how small can we get? Methuselah must have been the First Lilliputian! 

Maybe I need to get one of those stretching tables. Would you believe that I’ve thought about it? I’ve even wondered about hanging upside down. Suddenly wrinkles, and gray hair, and bags under the eyes don’t seem so bad – compared to shrinking. Then my doctor had to add insult to injury. She praised me for maintaining my weight, but reminded me that since I’ve shrunk, my height to weight ratio has changed so I’ve actually put on weight! 

Now – there just has to be something theological or Biblical about this. Maybe something about vanity. I never thought of myself as vain as “got to revise my whole ego at 5’11”.”  This is going to take some work

Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

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